Johnny the Shrink
by chimera child
Summary: Johnny is a shrink for a while. Later in the day, a very unexpected visitor shows up with a very unexpected wish. SECOND CHAP UP! Another unexpected visitor surprises Nny with a confession.
1. Default Chapter

Author's Note: I'm sure others have thought of this before. But now I'm doing it. Please pull up a seat (oh.. you're ALREADY in a seat?) and enjoy the story. That IS a command, you know.  
  
Disclaimer: I own nothing.  
  
JOHNNY THE SHRINK  
  
Johnny C. sat in the soft green chair. He looked up at the stiff man standing in the room with him. Johnny shifted uncomfortably.  
  
"What am I supposed to be doing again?"  
  
The stiff man mumbled something impatiently before answering with, "You're a shrink today. People will come in here and tell you their problems and you give them advice. Get it now? I'm on a tight schedule, kid, I really shouldn't waste my time on you," he said. This man was not a happy man.  
  
Johnny, on hearing his impatience, glared. (If only I had my knives.. he'd be SO VERY dead!) The stiff man produced a smile that was so unexpected that Johnny gasped. Stiff man frowned again. "You will start.. Now." The man departed and, in less than a minute, a girl walked in.  
  
The girl was very pale. VERY, very pale. She looked like over half the dead bodies in his house. Her eyes were green, and they reminded Johnny of cats' eyes. She sat and he noticed that the reason for her paleness was a whole bunch of face paint.  
  
"Um, hi, mister shrink guy. My mother sent me here.. um.. You don't really look like a shrink."  
  
Johnny cocked an eyebrow. "You don't really look normal. That's why you're here. So shut up. What's your problem?"  
  
"Well.. I wanna kill myself and stuff."  
  
Johnny sighed. "You're incredibly stupid. But, if you want to do the world a favor and rid us of your stupidity and grotesque face-paint job, then do so."  
  
The girl stared a moment, and nodded slightly. "So I should kill myself."  
  
Johnny leaned back, swung his legs up and settled his boots on the desk. He made his hands into a steeple and stared hard at the girl. "Yes.. You should kill yourself. Unless you don't want to inflict pain on yourself, in which case you should come to House Number 777 tonight at about.." Johnny shrugged. "How about ten thirty? And then somebody could take care of the job for you."  
  
The girl stood slowly, nodding. She was in a daze, it seemed. She left the room slowly and Johnny snickered, clapping his hands. "Bravo, Johnny C. You got yourself another victim without even knocking her out on the street first!" he said joyfully.  
  
Then a guy came in. He looked very odd. He had fangs! He wore a fishnet shirt and a long black.. skirt. He looked like he was wearing boots also. Stringy, greasy, black dyed hair reached his shoulders and two fangs protruded from his black-painted lips. He had many zits.  
  
"Um.. Hello," the boy said, sitting slowly into the chair waiting in front of Johnny's desk. Johnny leaned forward, his elbows on the table and his hands cradling his gaunt face. "So. What is your problem?" he asked, as casually as he could.  
  
(Oh holy Skettio! He's got eye shadow! MASCARA!! Look at the clumps of mascara on the boy's eyelids!! He's SO DISGUSTING!)  
  
Johnny shook his head slightly, afraid he'd say those things aloud. The boy stared at him hard. "My problem is that my parents think I'm weird, so they sent me here. They think I'm WEIRD! What rubbish," the boy said. He was faking a British accent. Badly.  
  
Johnny cocked his eyebrow again. "Really now? I wonder why they should think you're weird," Johnny said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.  
  
The boy looked momentarily insulted. "Anyway, they shouldn't mess with me," the boy said sourly.  
  
"And why is that?"  
  
"I am a vampire!"  
  
Johnny's lips twitched into a smile. He could feel the laughter build in his body, and he covered his face, rubbing his temples with his thumbs. He giggled softly into his hands so that the boy shouldn't hear him.  
  
Johnny looked back up with a smile. "You're a vampire, huh? Look, kid, you're obviously a wanna-be! I mean.. you're very disturbing to look at! Aren't vampires supposed to be handsome and beautiful?" Johnny asked.  
  
The boy was now offended. He crossed his hands over his chest. "And.. I mean, ANYBODY could tell your fangs are fake! Look! One is crooked! And if you want to fake a British accent, then do it WELL! You're British accent sucks!" Johnny exclaimed.  
  
The boy stood with a huff. "I'm not putting up with you! I know I might be a little freaky, but at least I'm not a fag!" he exclaimed. Johnny stood immediately, glaring. For a split second his mind wandered elsewhere.  
  
(Why is he calling me the fag when he's the one wearing a skirt and makeup?)  
  
Johnny jumped to the boy before he could open the door. "Say you're sorry!" Johnny growled. The boy cried out, but no apologies. "BUT YOU'RE A FAG!" he screamed. "This is NOT your day, vampire boy!" Johnny mumbled, grabbing his neck.  
  
Johnny flipped the boy onto his back and straddled him. He sat on the boy's chest and strangled him, dug his nails into the boy's neck. Vampire boy's eyes bulged and his body flailed as he struggled for air. Soon his body went limp except for an occasional twitch of the hand or something. Johnny took his light body and tossed it out a window.  
  
"Takes care of that little - " Johnny heard the creaking of the door and jumped back in his seat quickly.  
  
A little boy entered. His big brown eyes widened in fear. Johnny gasped and formed a toothy grin. The little boy was frozen. Johnny jumped up with delight.  
  
"Squeegee!"  
  
Little Todd Casil shuddered, afraid of this Neighbor-Man. "Squee, come here, sit down!" Johnny exclaimed warmly. The sudden change in Johnny's mood surprised Squee. He knew Johnny was kinda nice to him sometimes, but THIS nice..?  
  
Squee walked to the chair and jumped into it, his little legs far from touching the floor. Johnny smiled and, again, made a steeple with his fingers and gently leaned his chin on it. "So, Squeegee, what's up with you? Why are you in a shrink's office?" Johnny asked, his tone light and fluffy. {A/N: Yes. Fluffy. Don't ask HOW it is fluffy; it just IS.}  
  
Squeegee sighed and looked at Johnny, gradually feeling more and more comfortable around him. "Mommy and Daddy sent me here. Daddy said that I'm not right in the head and something should be done about it. He also said that they should just leave me here, but he was just.. kidding," Squee said.  
  
Johnny frowned. He suddenly wanted to strangle Squee's dad.  
  
"Well.. eh.. Squeegee," Johnny began, having a bit of trouble finding the words to say. Who knew how to tell a ten-year-old that his parents didn't love him?  
  
"Squeegee.. Um. Your parents.. they.. they're not very loving. They're not the loving type, you see, and it's hard for them to.." Johnny began, tilting his head and looking at Squee worriedly. Johnny hesitated before finishing. "Your parents don't really.. LOVE anybody. They're not really made to love anybody. Do you see what I'm saying, Squeegee?" Johnny said hopefully.  
  
Squee blinked and looked down. Tears burned his eyes, and he clutched his teddy bear tighter. Johnny hadn't even noticed the bear until now. (Stupid bear-bear.. it lies.. LIES..)  
  
Squee sniffled and looked at Johnny.  
  
"Mister Neighbor Man.."  
  
"Please, Squeegee, call me Johnny!"  
  
"Mister Johnny.. do YOU love me?"  
  
Johnny blinked and looked at Squee. Nobody had ever asked him that before. It kinda touched him inside, and he gazed at Squeegee and smiled.  
  
"Well.. yeah. Yeah, I love you, Squeegee."  
  
Squee looked down again, sadly. Then he looked back up at Johnny with huge, hopeful eyes.  
  
"Then.. then will YOU be my daddy?" 


	2. Confusion Second Visitor

Author's Note: I am SO sorry. Please forgive me for taking forever with this. But I took forever anyway, and that's not good. I was being too lazy, and I'm SO SORRY! Oh. By the way, for anybody that hasn't seen the movie Dracula, DON'T. It's SO stupid. I watched it over the week and I was incredibly disappointed. Jeez. There's this one redhead and EVERY time Dracula came up, her shirt came OFF. Well, the top of her dress anyway. It was dumb. But now I'm getting off track.  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own anything. Wish I owned Jhonen. But I don't. Yet. Heehee.  
  
JOHNNY THE SHRINK CHAPTER TWO: CONFUSION/SECOND VISITOR  
  
Johnny stared at the little boy in front of him. He was flattered and shocked at the same time. Flattered, because Squee would want him as a father. Shocked.. Because Squee would want him as a father.  
  
But the little boy just stared up at him with large hopeful eyes. Johnny sighed.  
  
"Um.. well, Squee, eh.."  
  
Squee blinked and waited for Johnny's answer. Johnny rubbed the back of his neck. He was going to explain to Squee that, no, he could not be his father. But a pang of guilt stabbed his heart and he realized that he WANTED Squee.  
  
Johnny looked again and the bright-eyed child. "I'll see what I can do, Squee. I need to kill-er, I need to DISCUSS a few things with your parents first. Then I can take you in. That okay?" Johnny asked. Squee smiled wide and nodded quickly.  
  
"So.. you're my Daddy now? Should I call you Daddy, or Johnny? Or Nny? Or Daddy Nny?" Squee inquired. The name "Daddy Nny" struck him as adorable and funny, and he smiled at Squee. "Heh. Daddy Nny.. I guess call me whatever you want."  
  
Squee jumped onto the desk and into Johnny's arms. As Squee hugged Johnny, Johnny was surprised and didn't know what to do for a moment. Then he slowly wrapped his thin arms around the boy and hugged him back.  
  
Hugging this child gave him a happy feeling. He felt really happy. Like he accomplished something really important. And he wasn't only hugging a child.  
  
He was hugging his own child.  
  
*~*~*~*  
  
Devi entered the huge building. She was sent here by Tenna. Tenna, the one who had her own strange problems. Tenna, who wouldn't shut up. Tenna, who had that evil Spooky doll. Tenna, who told her she should see a shrink.  
  
Now Devi went up to the plump, wrinkly old lady behind the desk in front. "Um.. I need to see a shrink. Do I need to make an appointment, or.. something?" she asked, rubbing her arm.  
  
The plump lady snorted and pressed a button on her telephone. "Hey Fred, we got any shrinks that are free right now?" she asked. Her voice was scratchy and low.  
  
"Yeah, yeah, send the client to Room 777." (A/N: Ah. Room 777, huh? Who could that be..?)  
  
Devi shrugged and walked through the halls, searching.  
  
774..  
  
775..  
  
776..  
  
777.  
  
The door loomed before her, much taller and wider than it should be. This door could easily fit Anna Nicole Smith and Rosie O'Donnell side-by-side. (No offense to any fans of Miss Smith or Miss O'Donnell.)  
  
She entered the room. "Hey, Mister, my friend sent me here and-"  
  
She stopped talking abruptly when she saw who sat in the chair. She gasped and nearly shrieked.  
  
Nny was equally shocked, but kind of pleased to have her here. What sort of problems did Devi D. have? He wondered.  
  
Devi cautiously took her seat in front of the maniac. Johnny saw her fear. He stared coldly at her, undecided to whether he should treat her kindly or not.  
  
"Look, Nny, this stays strictly professional.. I don't know why they'd have YOU as a shrink anyway, but since you are, I'm going to tell you my problems and you're going to fix them. Then I'll get up and run away for dear life."  
  
Nny shrugged. "I can't just fix your problems so quickly. It takes time. Believe me, I should know. And besides.. I want to talk to you about things.."  
  
Devi slowly slipped her hand into her purse, groping for the pepper spray. "I told you, Nny, this stays strictly.. professional.."  
  
Before she could curl her fingers around the can, Nny leaned forward and gently took her wrist. "Not the pepper spray, Devi, please? That stuff really hurts my eyeballs. And besides, I'm not even trying to kill you yet, so I suggest you ease up."  
  
"But the thought that you COULD kill me later on is supposed to be comforting?"  
  
Nny shrugged. "I might let you escape. No.. I probably won't kill you. So put the spray away."  
  
Devi took her hand out of her purse and put her purse on the floor. What am I DOING? She thought. I'm listening to a homicidal maniac!  
  
"So, Devi, what's your problem?" Nny asked, swinging his boots onto the desk and folding his hands in his lap.  
  
Devi knew her problem. Knew it well. It was beside the fact that Sickness still talked to her. No. This problem was much worse.  
  
Devi bit her fingernails. She couldn't even tell Tenna what her problem was. She certainly couldn't tell Nny! Tenna was her closest friend, and she didn't even know about it..  
  
"Well..?" Nny asked, waiting. He began to grow a little impatient. But he didn't say anything more in case Devi was just about to walk out. He wanted her to stay longer. Felt good to be around her again.  
  
NO! Nny thought. Strictly professional. No feelings about her in this office. Strictly professional. Strictly.. professional..  
  
Devi sighed and hesitated. She looked at Nny. For a lanky psychopath, he was so good-looking..  
  
"Nny.."  
  
"Uh-huh."  
  
"I.. um.. there's something I need to tell you."  
  
"I kinda assumed that."  
  
"Well, I.."  
  
"Really, Devi, just tell me. I won't hurt you, if that's why you're hesitating."  
  
"I don't think you'll hurt me."  
  
"Well, then, what?!"  
  
"I love you." 


End file.
